He's Always Been My Son by Janna Barkin

Author:Janna Barkin
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784505257
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2017-07-22T16:00:00+00:00

COMING OUT IS A PROCESS

EMAIL TO AMAYA’S THERAPIST, CRISTIN BREW, 9/3/13

Hi Cristin,

Hope all is well with you. I wanted to catch you up on a few things.

First is that we have been asked by Amaya to try using the male pronoun at home and we have been trying, practice, practice. I will practice here.

Amaya has asked to move out of regular school and into independent study with NOVA [the name of independent study school]. He is uncomfortable and unhappy at school, feels disconnected, and has admitted to overall feeling of depression.

(I am so sad right now.)

While we are open to the change in school we are worried about the overall feeling he has and if it is the right move as he is already isolated, save for school.

We are really concerned about the lack of peer interaction there will be if he starts independent study, and at the same time we can see how being out of a stressful environment would really help. He told us that none of her friends have been reaching out to him for a long time, and that while they can hang out at school he has grown away from his friends and does not feel he can make new ones. No one shares his interests, but he cannot say really what his interests are.

Maybe the support group will offer what he needs from peers right now.

He is willing to go to the support group now. We said that has to happen if we are to go ahead with the idea of NOVA (which we have not agreed to yet but we are researching it).

So much more to say but better maybe to just talk. Maybe a phone chat would be good before you see him Thursday?

As his sophomore year approached, the end of summer was an anxious time for Amaya, as it is for most kids anticipating the start of a new school year. But for my son it was different. Each school year brought the challenge of meeting new teachers. Each year now, Gabe and I would reach out to inform his new teachers about Amaya. We remained worried that a teacher would be confused when they met Amaya, setting the stage for embarrassing or awkward moments of misgendering. Although Amaya had already asked us to start using male pronouns at home, he was still using female pronouns at school. In his teachers’ roll books, his name would be marked with an “F” for female, but the teachers would see a boy answer to the name. This was a challenging place to be, living in the in-between.

We again sent off our introductory letter to Amaya’s new teachers, the same letter we’d sent the previous year. Since he had not yet asked to transition pronouns or anything else at school, Amaya would start the school year identified as a “girl,” would use the bathrooms and lockers designated for girls, and the teachers would be asked to be mindful to use the correct pronouns and watch for any signs of bullying or distress.

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